Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Slow Motion

Could the next 3 weeks go any slower? Every day feels like a year. It doesn't help that it is hot again and I am huge. I have no energy to take Violet anywhere. Some friends have convinced Violet and I to go to the lake with them on Friday and I am already trying to figure out how to get out of it...

Strange that after Oliver died I swore I would not complain the next time I was pregnant. That I would blissfully endure everything about it. Hmmm... that is not the case. I have to be careful though. I am still wondering about another one in the future and if I complain too much that will give my hubby some ammunition! Well, he reads this so now he'll know my evil plan.

Other than being a wreck physically I am doing OK. It is getting a little easier to believe we might have a happy ending this time. Well, some days I am just waiting for something bad to happen. I have started to feel a bit crampy and will mention that to the doctor tomorrow. I'm sure she will cheerfully say, "Oh, that's normal" as usual but it is one of the things on the list that you are supposed to mention. The others that are "normal" to her are dizziness, sharp shooting pains somewhere I'd rather not talk about, and headaches. My blood pressure is normal though so as long as I am not falling over or passing out I think I am OK. I guess I will see what she says tomorrow.

Sounds like I am being called, I better go.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Getting There

Including today I have 5 weeks and 2 days until my scheduled c-section.

This week that amount of time seems huge. This Saturday will be Oliver's 1 year birthday. That fact is making this week hard. Sunday I was crying because I kept thinking about how last year at this time he was still alive. I like being able to say that. Soon I won't. In fact tomorrow will be the anniversary of when I think he died. I told my husband that it feels like he is getting farther away from me. I know that is not really true since it is getting closer to the time when I will see him again, but the memories I have of him are slipping away. I just miss him.

On top of the emotional mess that I am this week I am also huge. We had a heat wave here last week which was awful and is promising to repeat itself next week (32 degrees Celsius plus 66% humidity). Add to that I have decided that now is the time to potty train Violet and you can guess how grumpy I am. :)

It will be such a relief to just see, hear, and hold this baby.
babies