I had a bit of a rough day today. The teacher who I took over for had her baby (a boy) over spring break so everyone is really excited. Of course I am happy that everything is good but that doesn't mean I want to see huge pictures of him every time I go into the staff room. I usually try to sit with my back to the photos.

Today she brought him in for a visit. Thankfully I had mentioned to her that I might not handle seeing her very well so she came at a time when I was teaching in a different class. Just knowing she was coming put me on edge all day. It is so hard when no one understands why I am upset. I am sure they all think I should just get over it and be happy that I am pregnant again. I just miss Oliver so much lately.

Last week I actually bought a sleeper for the newest baby. It feels weird to call the baby "new baby" as that was our nickname for Oliver so I will use newest for now. I thought that buying something might help me to feel more positive about the baby. It kinda helped but it also made me sad because I started thinking about how Oliver never got to wear anything that was bought for him and how he is missed so much.

Also, at church I was overwhelmed by how much I love Violet as I watched her run around. It struck me then how I would have had the same awe for Oliver. Of course I love him but it is different - it's not the staring at your child hardly believing they are really yours type love.

So, it has been an emotional week. Sometimes I wonder if I even have any emotions left but they are in there somewhere...

Hope you are all doing well.