Thursday, April 23, 2009

Ultrasound


Here is a picture of the feet.



Profile...

The alien face. Always a classic...

Overall the ultrasound went well. The tech was nice but not overly friendly. Some of them will print off 5 or 6 pics but she was only going to do 2 at first. That's ok. I'm sure I will have more than one scan this time (usually where I live you only have 1 per pregnancy).

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Busy

It has been a while since my last post. It seems that when I think of something to write about I am at work and then by the time I get home I am too tired to type. Well, here I am typing. Now to think of what I want to write about.

I have been missing Oliver a lot lately. I had a week of thinking that I really want this baby to be a boy. We are undecided about having more after this and I think if we have another girl I will be a little sad. I know I will be happy if we come home with a baby at all but it is something I think about. Plus on Easter Sunday my pastor was going on and on about death and talking about the first time he saw a person who had died (as a pastor) which got me remembering the night Oliver was born and what it was like to hold him.

At school we are learning about Revelation right now in Bible class. This week we were talking about heaven. I told my kids that I think about heaven a lot more now. I think about people I know who are there and pray that they will meet Oliver so that they can tell him about me. That might seem weird but it is true.

As far as pregnancy goes things are going OK. We are at 18 weeks now and every week it seems a little more possible that things might turn out different this time. I know that our loss week (27) will be the hardest. That also coincides with the last week of school so I don't know if I will be able to take a personal day... Actually I might be able to since the day of 27 weeks, which was the day Oliver was born last time, the grade 7s are going to the water slides all day. Not the most fun field trip at almost 7 months pregnant...

Anyway, I have been really busy at work and so very tired. I think my iron might be low. I have been doing a terrible job of keeping up with school work and I know there are a few parents that I should be in contact with about homework. I just can't seem to get it in gear. How do I make myself care more? I love my students they are so nice and we have fun but I don't care about the paperwork side of things. That has always been a weak spot for me (marking) but this year it is worse.

This has been a scattered post but it is good to write. I hope you are all doing well. Thanks for reading.

-detailed ultrasound (our first ultrasound this pregnancy) - April 21 -check back for pictures
-next doctor appointment - May 7
-OB appointment - May 26

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

I had a bit of a rough day today. The teacher who I took over for had her baby (a boy) over spring break so everyone is really excited. Of course I am happy that everything is good but that doesn't mean I want to see huge pictures of him every time I go into the staff room. I usually try to sit with my back to the photos.

Today she brought him in for a visit. Thankfully I had mentioned to her that I might not handle seeing her very well so she came at a time when I was teaching in a different class. Just knowing she was coming put me on edge all day. It is so hard when no one understands why I am upset. I am sure they all think I should just get over it and be happy that I am pregnant again. I just miss Oliver so much lately.

Last week I actually bought a sleeper for the newest baby. It feels weird to call the baby "new baby" as that was our nickname for Oliver so I will use newest for now. I thought that buying something might help me to feel more positive about the baby. It kinda helped but it also made me sad because I started thinking about how Oliver never got to wear anything that was bought for him and how he is missed so much.

Also, at church I was overwhelmed by how much I love Violet as I watched her run around. It struck me then how I would have had the same awe for Oliver. Of course I love him but it is different - it's not the staring at your child hardly believing they are really yours type love.

So, it has been an emotional week. Sometimes I wonder if I even have any emotions left but they are in there somewhere...

Hope you are all doing well.
babies