Monday, March 16, 2009

Phew

We have a heartbeat. I am relieved. At least for the moment!

I had a talk with my husband about how I was feeling so paranoid. He said something that made sense to me in terms of the whole stomach virus thing. Last time the stomach virus was the first in a series of things that made it harder to tell if something was wrong with Oliver. I never really felt healthy from when I had the s.v. until after he was born. There were other factors too. Working, looking after Violet, being so tired. All things I just dealt with. Now, looking back we can see that I was not feeling right. So this time, since I have been feeling back to normal and haven't had any other weird symptoms, he was not concerned. Makes sense.

Now that we have heard the baby I am going to go out and buy maternity jeans. I wore my old ones out with Violet and with Oliver I didn't really need them. But now we are allowed to wear jeans to work so I would really like to have some. Plus the yoga pants I keep wearing on the weekends are getting a little ratty.

Well, that's the update for today.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Nerves

It has been quite the week. Violet woke up with a stomach virus last Sunday which started the roller coaster. Thankfully my husband has Monday's off so he was able to stay with her. I was on for Tuesday, and since it was report cards, band concert, and the last day of cooking 8 (yes, I teach grade 8 cooking) Wednesday grandma and grandpa sacrificed their health to help us out. As it turned out Ward got sick Tuesday night and I had to turn right around on Thursday and head home. Spent all day Thursday in bed and the bathroom. Couldn't eat on Thursday or Friday. Managed some fluids overnight but not much.

The most worry some part of this whole thing is that about a week and a half before Oliver died we all got a stomach virus. It happened in the same order too. So, now I am totally freaked out. I have pretty much convinced myself that when I go in to the doctor tomorrow there will be no heartbeat. I have never been told that the stomach virus had anything to do with what happened but I haven't really asked that question either. I guess it is time to ask.

I have started thinking about how I will tell people the bad news after tomorrow's appointment. I have even started thinking (again) that Violet is destined to be an only child (you know what I mean).

So, needless to say I have not been sleeping well and have been having even crazier dreams than ever.

Expect an update sometime soon...

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Update

Well, it has been a busy couple of weeks so I have not been motivated to post. Now I am ready to let you know how things are going.

I have been back to the doctor. I asked her my questions but was told that there are no answers. The infection could have been a cause or a result of Oliver's death. As far as she knows there was no sign that I was leaking fluid (though I have heard that it can be such a small leak that no one notices). She told me that we have no more chance than anyone else of this happening again which is both reassuring and no help at all since that was true last time as well.

Basically she said I should ask the OB when I go at 20 weeks. She is going to send me to him so that he can make a plan for the second half. That may be a little awkward since he was there when Oliver was born but I also saw him with Violet so I think it will be OK. My doctor trusts his opinion the most so I will go with him.

She tried to find the heartbeat but it was hidden. Then she did an internal and realized that my uterus is tilted back. So, it's back this week to hear the heart!

Once she has found the heartbeat I am going to order a Doppler. I have also ordered an electronic kick counter which records your last 10 counts. I actually held one in my hand and thought about buying it when I was 20 weeks with Oliver so that is something that I regret not having last time. Not that if I had it I would have used it since I didn't do any manual kick counts. I really wish doctors would tell us to do those.

My close close friend is also pregnant (twins) and due 3 days before me. We have the same doctor. Our doctor informed her at her last appointment that she (the Dr) is also pregnant with twins. Her due date? THE SAME AS MINE!!! I wonder when she is going to tell me? I cried a little. I know it is selfish but I really wanted her to be there when we deliver. She has been through the worst with us and I trust her.

I also decided this week that it was time to let the cat out of the bag. Or, to be more specific, to let my stomach out of the puffy vest. I had been wearing the same vest every day to work to try to hide my belly. I always show early and this time it didn't help that I had 10 pounds left over from when I was pregnant with Oliver. So, the news is now public. At least our close friends know and my work knows. My students cheered very loudly which was touching. They have only known me a month but they do know my story.

So, that is what has been going on. I will post again after we hear the heart!!!
babies