So, I went to see my maternity doctor this week, the one who delivered Oliver. I went in because I am currently 10 weeks pregnant (still a huge secret btw) and it was time to see her. Well, while we were talking she just throws out there the fact that Oliver died from an infection. WHAT??? Why am I finding out about this 6 months later? What in the world? I was totally floored. My first thought was, "So it was my fault" which gives you an idea of how hard it hit me. At my last appointment she had said there was no apparent reason but I guess something came up. As you can imagine, I was a little upset by this and had trouble remembering what I had meant to ask her. So now I have many new questions like:
-did the internal exam I had a couple days before I died have anything to do with this?
-what kind of infection?
-how are we going to prevent this from happening again?
-was it because I had a stomach virus?
-why am I only finding out about this now?
This has really taken me by surprise. I guess I had come to terms with the fact that we would never know why. Now I have taken a few steps backwards in my grieving process. Not to mention the fact I am freaked out that it will happen again.
As for the being pregnant right now, we haven't told more than a couple people so if you are reading this and you know me in the real world you are not allowed to tell anyone!!
One note about my first week back at work. On Friday the students told me that I always look like I am ready to go home. I asked if it was because I was wearing a vest?? but no. Apparently it is obvious that I would rather be somewhere else. I guess I better stop feeling so sorry for myself and get with it.
I want to tell them
8 years ago
2 comments:
Oh how wonderful that you're pregnant!! Congratulations!
And about your doctor, why didn't they tell you earlier? Hopefully your questions will have positive answers.
Oh and, random question, are you on any ivillage boards?
Praying for your growing little one, and congratulations again!
Praying for you in Idaho,
~Rachel
rcharmon654@msn.com
First, congratulations on your pregnancy! I can't imagine the myriad of emotions that you are going through right now, but I know that you must be so excited.
Second, I'm so sorry that you had to find out that Oliver died of an infection from such an off-hand method. I guess that she thought you already knew? I would write down all the questions that you and your husband can think of and schedule another appointment with her. If for no other reason than to help alleviate your fears right now.
Thinking of you and your family.
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