That night after we got home and put Violet to bed we talked a little about our day. One thing that my husband said stuck with me. He said that when we were talking with them about babies and normal behaviour (they have all the first time parent type questions) he was thinking that instead of remembering what Violet was like we should have been comparing (in a good way) our two babies. He's right. We went to bed early being exhausted but our neighbours were having a housewarming party. We live in a town home so some walls are shared. It is a 4 bedroom and they don't have kids so they turned the bedroom that shares a wall with our bedroom into a video game/guitar room. Finally at 1:30 am when the guitar was added to the music and games Ward banged on the wall (just like in college!) The noise quickly stopped.
After that I did not sleep well. I had so many crazy dreams about babies and losing babies my mind never settled down. I woke up in the morning feeling like I needed to go back to bed. Since Ward runs Sunday mornings I get up when Violet does. No extra rest for anyone!
Sundays are notoriously bad for me. Maybe I am making it worse by believing that but it has been true. Even at my parents church was hard. A girl I know from high school (who is friends with me on facebook and should know better if she paid any attention at all) asked if we were going to have more kids. I looked at her and said, "You know we had one in the summer, right?" She said, "Oh, I thought I saw something on facebook about that." And then something about waiting between kids which made it sound like the whole break between Violet and number 3 was my idea... People just don't know how to react.
Anyway, back to this week. I went to church feeling tired and beat up. I followed Violet around trying to compose myself. Then My friend with the baby walked in. Violet loves her so she ran over to see her and the baby. I lost it. I cried more than I have since the first couple weeks after we lost Oliver. My friend cried to. So here we are hugging and crying on what should have been her happy day bringing her daughter to church for the first time. I am so glad that she is understanding and that she feels some of our pain too.
Needless to say, we left church early that day. We stopped at the cemetery (Violet's first visit) and then went for a family lunch.
Since then Violet and I have been to visit the baby. Violet loves her so much. She stood and stared at her most of the time. She held her hand and kissed her. When the baby opened her eyes Violet yelled, "Hello!" It was so sweet. I know it would have been a little different having a baby around the house all the time. Violet did try to poke her in the eye and was climbing all over but it was SO cute. I am including a pic of myself, Violet, and Kacia.
It felt so nice to hold the baby. I think we are ready to start trying for number 3. Part of me wants to fast forward to the end of all of the trying and waiting but I know that is not how it works. Plus I am really (mostly) enjoying the stage Violet is at right now.
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