Well, it's Monday so that means I survived Sunday. It wasn't easy but it also wasn't as hard as I thought. That could be due to the fact that since it is a long weekend there were about 20 people at church. Guess that means we do it all again next week.
I am struggling with what to write about. I want to put my story out there but am putting off starting to write it. It is still so raw. Some days I manage to shove the memories somewhere partially hidden but the last few days everything has been right on the surface. The longing to still be pregnant. The thought that I "should be" thinking about how we would probably have a baby next month. Seeing friends who are expecting, or seeing babies, especially boys.
Today I went clothes shopping. I have to buy work clothes. As a teacher I was going to start my maternity leave early so that I could spend some time with my daughter before the baby was born. Plus, who wants to work when they are 7 or 8 months pregnant? Well, now I have to start from the beginning. I don't have a job, I don't have daycare, and none of my work clothes fit. Thankfully I have the type of job where I can most likely find work (substitute teaching). It made me more than a little sad shopping for clothes though. You know how after you have a baby your middle doesn't always match your legs in sizes? Well pants are hard enough at the best of times but now I have that to deal with too. Managed to find something. Enough to go on interviews anyways.
I want to tell them
8 years ago
1 comment:
Shopping for clothes is hard enough at the best of times but when you are feeling "raw", you are to be commended. I hope you found something that makes you feel confident about stepping out into the big world.
I read your post on "glow in the woods" on being thankful. I fortunately have no personal knowledge of losing a child but I read these sites to remind myself how much I have to be thankful for. I hope that doesn't sound insensitive, it is not meant to. I take my hat off to you for being able to muster the strength to carry on.
Good luck with the interviews, I hope you will continue to update your blog so we can share the journey with you. M
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